Greer 4 Neighbours

[Greer Fanclub Member 1]

ML Fans,

Following the gathering of the inaugural 'Greer Fanclub' meeting it has been decided that 'the Lounge' is holding Greer back.

The fanclub concluded that she should ditch the band and pursue a solo career (in similar style to Delta or Holly) pumping out commercial pop hits and producing raunchy video clips.

Our first step to achieving this is our campaign to get Greer on neighbours. In the coming weeks we will be in contact with the writers of the hit Aussie soap to see if we can have her written into the script as Lou Carpenter's and Madge Bishop's abandoned love child who has come back to work in Harold's coffee shop. What a plot!

I will undoubtably keep you all informed of our progress in this campaign as news comes to hand.

Rgds,

Greer Fanclub Member #1

[Gav]

Delta never made any raunchy videoclips. They were/are all dull and sterile.

How do we all join the Greer Fanclub?
I know heaps of goss.

[Greer]

wow.. I have always wanted to be on neighbours!

[Reverse Stockholm Syndrome]

Gav said:

Delta never made any raunchy videoclips. They were/are all dull and sterile.

That's because Delta is a slut on the inside. (It will be interesting to see how the profanity filter converts that one.)

Or Delta saves all the hot action for her private collection.

How do we all join the Greer Fanclub?
I know heaps of goss.

Save all the goss until the last week of her campaign for governor.

"Groping Governor Greer". ;D (Disclaimer: I haven't actually seen Greer grope anyone... yet).

[jSpace]

has anyone else heard the rumour that Lou Carpenter is actually Karen carpenter? apparently she faked her own death to find solace the only way she could - a fat suit, gender re-assignment, and a role in an Australian soap. she/he is personally responsible for the continuing success of soap stars' crossovers into the music industry.
her early years, where she had to lose weight and don stubble to play Coln Carpenter in The Comedy Company were trying, but she pulled through and is now allegedly writing her memoirs: "Jesus was a carpenter: I feel his pain - The Karen Carpenter Story"

[Greer]

well, if all goes to plan, and I land my starring role on neighbours, I will be able to confirm whether this Lou/Karen Carpenter rumour is true...

[Reverse Stockholm Syndrome]

Don't do it Greer! When musicians try to become actors, it's like the reverse of the actor-becomes-singer thang! You are playing with cosmic forces and it will truly lead to the end of civilisation!!

[Greer Fanclub Member 1]

Jspace,

That's an interesting theory on Lou Carpenter, unfortunately you're a little off the mark.

Lou Carpenter is actually Lou Armstrong (aka Louis Armstrong), the reknown African American singer made famous by such hits as 'What a Wonderful World' and his less famous piece 'Simon Towsend's Wonder World (theme song)'.

Upon realising that market demand just wasn't there for a black singer who didn't swear in his lyrics he faked his own death, went to see Michael Jackson's skin specialist, changed his surname to Carpenter and moved to a small street in the outer suburbs of Melbourne called Ramsay Street. The rest, my friends, is history.

[Reverse Stockholm Syndrome]

The truth is out there!!!

/i got nothing ;D

[jSpace]

yes, but has anyone ever seen Lou Carpenter, Karen Carpenter, Louis Armstrong, Simon Townsend, Pete Townshend, Michael Jackson, Coln Carpenter, Delta Goodrem and Greer in the same room at the same time!? Join the dots kidz, join the dots...

[The correct answer is "Yes": in the lesser known Ramsay St "We Are The World" sister song "We are East Brunswick". Ah, the memories..]

[Gav]

People, people...

These are all just baseless rumours. For the hard facts please read on:



Lou used to co-own Chez Chez (now called Lou's Place) with Cheryl, but soon quit after working with Cheryl was getting too much for him. He was soon back behind the bar though, as he was left the pub by Cheryl in her will. He quickly renamed the pub to Lou's Place and it's remained under that name ever since. Late 2002, when Lou was experiencing serious financial problems, Max Hoyland bought half of the pub off him. Lou also owns Carpenter's Mechanics, which he used to co-own with Drew Kirk until his unfortunate death in 2002. Another of Lou's many business ventures was Little Tommy Tuckers, a restaurant he opened a few years ago. Unfortunately the restaurant never took off, even after a large promotional effort, and the restaurant was forced to close!
Back in 2002, Lou discovered that the girl he thought was his daughter actually wasn't. He was contacted by a John Allen, who claimed that he had slept with Lou's ex wife Cheryl, and that Louise was actually his, not Lou's. Lou thought he was just a prankster, and it took him a long time to go and get DNA tests to find out the truth. It turned out that Louse was actually the daughter of a John Allen, and after a trip to the courts, Lou was told he would only be allowed to see Louise once a week. Unfortunately, John Allen, who had originally claimed that he had no plans to try and take Louise away from Lou, moved away to the country with Louise, which made it a lot harder for Lou to visit her. He now only sees her occasionally, off screen.

Until not so long ago, Lou was dating Reverend Rosie Hoyland, who he met through Harold. At the time, Harold also had feelings for Rosie, but Rosie choose Lou over him. Lou and Harold constantly fell out over Rosie as Lou thought Harold was trying to break him and Rosie up. The pair did eventually break up though, but Rosie wouldn't tell Lou the real reason why. The actual reason was, she did now have feelings for Harold, despite the fact she turned him down just months before. Although she tried, Rosie never did manage to tell Harold about her feelings, and it eventually turned out to be too late as Harold met a new woman, Rosie Dwyer, through a dating agency.

Lou has had a history of health problems. After overcoming some serious back problems a few years ago, he recently experienced terrible kidney problems and faced life on Dialysis along with frequent trips to the hospital unless he got a Kidney transplant. The only problem was, as he didn't want to worry his children, he wouldn't tell any of them about his problems, so he had nobody to donate him a kidney. Behind Lou's back, Harold told Lou's children about his problems, which greatly angered Lou. He still refused to let any of them to donate a kidney and fell out with Harold. He wouldn't talk to Harold for weeks. Harold and Lou have had plenty of fall-outs before, but Lou claimed this was the worst, and that he would never forgive Harold for what he'd done.

Harold still wanted to regain his treasured friendship with Lou though, so he decided to try and donate his own Kidney to Lou. Harold got tests and found that his kidney was compatible and, amazingly, he also had the same type of tissue as Lou, which was nothing short of a miracle. Lou still refused Harold's kidney though, saying it was just coincidence they had the same tissue and didn't want anyone to donate him a kidney, especially not Harold. It took a lot of persuading, and a talk from Karl and Ben, but they finally convinced Lou to allow Harold to donate him his kidney. Thanks to the donation, Lou and Harold are all now friends again, and have got over everything that has previously happened.

Lou, along with the owners of many other popular locations in Erinsborough, was recently the victim of a scammer. Hank Ellis, along with his wife Mary, sent letters of Complaint to locations such as "Lou's Place", "The Coffee Shop", and "Lassiters Hotel" in an attempt to gain a free meal.

Lou was very angry when he realised what was going on and immediately started a plan to get back at the Ellises. Lou invited the scammers to the Pub for "free" dinner and drinks. Things didn't go as smoothly as the Hank and Mary may have wanted, though. Lou started singing Mexican Songs to them, significantly off tune, which greatly annoyed them. Later, they both tell Lou how lovely his food was, and while Lou was topping up their drinks, he "accidentally" spilt half of the jug over the Hank's lap. Lou apologised, but seconds later, he sneezed and simply wiped his nose in his jumper. Hank then asked Lou what kind of stunt he's trying to pull. Lou said he could ask the Ellises the same question, and tells them he knows what they've been doing. He then presents them with a bill for all of the food, but wife Mary told Lou they can't afford to pay it. Lou consequently sent them off to the Kitchen to wash dishes.

It looked like Lou had won, but only days later, he was scammed all over again! The Ellis' had organised a Leonard Foster to phone the pub, posing as a Author writing a book on Gourmet Hotels and Restaurants who wanted to review Lou's Place. In an attempt to impress Leonard, Lou immediately enlisted the help of Rosie and Harold to prepare a new menu featuring Gourmet dishes. They finally perfect the new menu for Lou, and Harold asks him not to make any last minute changes.

When Leo arrives, he ordered his meal without any problems, but later asks if he can have Pigeon too, as he doesn't know of many restaurants with that on their menu. Roasted Pigeon is something Lou had added last minute, despite Harold's request, not expecting Leonard to order it. He obviously doesn't actually have any available and rushed over to The Coffee Shop to tell Rosie and Harold. After a mini panic attack, Rosie suggested getting a takeaway Pigeon from Lanzinies, who have it on their Menu. It seemed to work perfectly, Leonard loved it and goes away happy. He promised to put a great review of the pub in his book, but after he's gone, Lou notices another name on his Business Card... Hank Ellis! Lou had been stitched up again, and was forced to admit defeat to the Ellis'!

[Greer]

who can be bothered reading all that?

[jSpace]

Gav - you should hit up Channel 10 for yr own show!

"Lou Carpenter: The Definitive Perspective."

with copy like that the kidz'll be glued to the set

[PUNKER]

holy f**k. I attempted half of it, then realised how much more there was to go, then realised after that, that I already know all this therefore deemed unnecessary for me to read the remaining 100 paragraphs.

[jSpace]

are you serious?! i found it enthralling - thanks Gav!

i'm currently negotiating with a tattoo parlour to get it across my shoulders.. and down my back.. they think i might havta squeeze some on the top of my right thigh - but how can you stop and question the pursuit of art!?